And then there was beer…

I survived. One whole month sans alcohol. I half-heartedly considered having a drink after midnight on Halloween, but decided to skip it. Maybe it was my Margot Tenenbaum (Halloween costume)  inspired ennui, but it just didn’t sound good.

I waited until around 10:30 a.m. on November 1 and had a juice/champagne cocktail at Orion’s birthday brunch. And then I had another. Delicious and straightaway to my head.

In the days since, I’ve had some beer – went out with a friend on Monday evening and explored the concept of being a lightweight again. The difference is that rather than coming home after work and opening a beer while I cook or putter or lounge or clean simply because it’s a day that ends in “y”, now I think. I think about whether or not it’s something I really want, or is it just habit? Of course, I am typing this now with a bottle of Mirror Pond eying me…

I’m really glad I did this and plan on making Ocsober an annual tradition. I felt great in a way I never expected to. Energy, clarity of thought, reclaimed joie je vivre that I thought I had lost. This single, simple, good decision set the stage for even better decisions and plans that even without realizing it, I set in motion on October 1.

It is largely no secret that the last year has been – to put it laughably mildly – a bit of a trial. In fact, I weighed *not* doing Ocsober because I was so paranoid about the implication that I was doing it because a certain individual once made thinly veiled claims that I have a drinking problem. My insides railed against doing anything that could be seen as validating that. In the end though, I did it for me, and me alone.

This last month though has proven invaluable in so many ways. It helped scrub away the residue of *stuff* that had accumulated over the last year and presented the stark reality of a lot of things to me in a way that I needed. A giant punch in the gut at times, but necessary. Without the edge-softening power of alcohol, I often went to bed with my brain still racing and puzzling. The difference though was that this month I woke up more sure and ready to face the day without the pit of anxiety in my stomach that I’ve had for months. Undulled, maybe my brain was able to work out some of the mysteries in my sleep… Maybe.

I appreciate the taste of this beer that I’m savoring right now, but I don’t need it. A month ago, I’m not sure I could have said that as surely.


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