Sugar and Spite

I’m slacking on the daily blogging front. In an effort to stay true to the original goal, I tried to find a prompt from one of the two sites I’m following that would fit what I feel like writing about today. From the 30 Day Writing Challenge:

Day 03: Something with which you struggle.

In truth, I don’t struggle with this probably as much as I should. Having a sometimes tendency toward spitefulness is something I *should* struggle with. I should want to overcome it more than I actually do.

It’s funny the things that can illuminate one’s true nature. For me, today at least, it is college football.

In the event that you’re living under a rock, today is the BCS Championship Game. Oregon’s beloved Ducks are in Phoenix, hours from taking on Auburn. While I am no stranger to sports fandom and cannot, in good conscience, ever begrudge anyone their rabid love of a team, I cannot stand college football. Wait, that’s not exactly true; I cannot stand Oregon college football. No… that’s not quite right either. I cannot stand the Oregon State Beavers.

In general, I think I am a pretty decent person. I may not be sugar sweet, but I do think I am mostly kind and not prone to negativity. I desperately want to think the best of you, until you prove me wrong. And even when that happens, it’s not usually a terribly long, hard road back into my good graces. However, in a few notable cases, even years later, spite reigns supreme.

This unsavory aspect of my character is why I find myself, on this day that so many people are excited about, in a bit of a foul humor. See, a couple of years ago, the Oregon State Beavers tried to ruin my 30th birthday. So rude, right?! The 2008 Civil War game was played on November 29, the day after my actual 30th birthday and the day of the fantastic semi-surprise party that my friends threw for me. Up until the day of the party, I had been under the impression that my boyfriend at the time would be coming to the party. Assuming his presence seemed reasonable enough. He was, y’know, my boyfriend after all, and it was my flippin’ 30th birthday. That morning, he informed me that he would be attending the Civil War game with his mother instead. My expression of displeasure at this turn of events was met with a lot of yelling about how selfish I was and that it was “just a party.” Even as soon as the night of the party – and certainly now, well over two years later – I could see that it was a GIANT blessing in disguise that he skipped out. I am so glad he wasn’t there.

At the time though, I was raging pissed and hurt and should have seen the whole incident for the giant red flag that it was. Thus, my incendiary feelings toward the Beavers, however unreasonable they might seem. To be fair, I should probably hate the Ducks just as much, but I don’t. He went to Oregon State and even though I know and dearly love a number of OSU alums (including my own brother and sister-in-law), spite wins out in this case. I wish (only sometimes, if I’m being honest) that it wasn’t so, but it just is.

I am rooting for the Ducks tonight in something of a disingenuous way. It isn’t an allegiance to the university or the state or anything like that. It’s knowing that somewhere out there, he is pulling hard for Auburn and I really want to stick it to him, however indirectly.

Today’s writing prompt from The Daily Post is, “What do you want to be remembered for?”

As I said before, I don’t struggle with my tendency toward spite as much as I probably should, but neither is it something that I want to be remembered for. Something to keep in mind, I s’pose, as I continue to figure out what’s worth hanging onto and what it’s time to let go of.

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